Memories fade…

Image courtesy: google
Image courtesy: google

Memories fade…

On the spur of the moment, today I read the diary notes I had written almost four years ago during the time of my daughter’s surgery. It braught tears to my eyes, I could feel my heart clenching within me…! The memories of those seven days, the terrible sadness and anxiety I felt during the pre-op days, the pain I felt when she cried with pain during the post-op period, the look of fear I saw in her eyes…I relived every thing that I jotted down during those few days…

When I was writing my feelings down during those days, it was thinking my daughter (who at that time was 9 months old) might like to know, some day, what it was like during the time she had her surgery. I never imagined that reading those notes at a later time would affect me as it did!

Anyway, the topic I wished to write about was not the pain or the feelings I had when my daughter had surgery, but how memories fade and the power of the written word.

I wondered whether it is a common trend in men, to forget things, the experiences we have, the pain and anguish we suffer, the excitement and joy we feel!

Could it be possible that it is part of an escape plan, when we bury our pains or anxieties so deep down within our subconscious that it never surface again, so that we go on leading our lives in the semblance of normalcy?

But then, how can be the forgotten joys explained? I tried to revive the joy I felt while holding my baby for the first time in my hands, and somehow the same feeling has not recurred. Yes, I can explain what had happened on that day, minute by minute, but the exact degree of the emotion I felt then cannot be reached…

Could it be possible that the accumulation of day-to-day experiences push all our past emotions to the background, to make way? There they remain collecting dust, awaiting a day when they are remembered again. And to recollect and remember we often need the aid of a diary note which might act as a vaccum cleaner…!


2 thoughts on “Memories fade…

  1. You have so tenderly expressed a very real human experience, something we all go through at many different times in our lives. Maybe there is something healing about not remembering, or not wanting to remember. because remembrance makes us relive some of those painful moments, even though the pain might be less in the present. Maybe it is nature’s mechanism to help us move on to the present….can you imagine the burdens we might be carrying if we didn’t forget anything? Of course, the traces of these emotions could still linger in our subconscious… Please keep sharing more of such reflections.

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